08-08-08 - A Very Special Bitchyourfaceoff Edition

Nobody reads this blog…only freakoids and perved out zoophiliacs. Seriously…see for yourself:

Snap That: TGIF

I have officially been cast as CatWoman in the next installment of the BatMan Movies! Watch out Halle Berry! Cha Ching!

Education Costs Money, But Then So Does Ignorance

The above video was posted today in the NH Independent today. The fact that there exists a need for the creation of such a video deeply concerns my soul… because the creators basically pose the question - Would you rather go to college and get an education, or be a poor lowly bum? and they’re kinda totally serious.

TGIF!

Something has come to my attention. This something is displayed below in graphical form:

So based on these findings I think I need to be getting really trashed far more often. Before it’s too late, and sad and crotchety and pathetic…

And FYI…Gawker sucked this week, IvyGate was OK…as we know the NH Independent was kinda entertaining, but taking the cake (literally so to speak) - BWE blog…seriously read this or despair…

New Haven - As “All-American” As Rubber Hamburgers

Adorably nestled in between stories entitled, “Teen Slashed” and “Muslim Women’s Fitness” today on the NH Independant website was a piece about the super-ultra-mega celebration that was held in City Hall this weeks in honor of NH receieving the most “All-American City” award. Qua? At first I was a little confused, and you know, sad for America. Then it all started to make sense. Below is a listicle of the cities competing in the All-America competition…which may explain why, uhh…we won…although I’m sure it was still really close…

• Kandahar
• Detroit, Michigan
• Mexico City
• Baghdad
• Compton (i know there are many Comptons in America - but they’re essentially all the same, right? - Taster’s choice)
• Nauru
• Fairvale, California (fictional city of the movie Psycho)

So we New Haven conquered all…and to celebrate there was a huge bash! (paid for generously by your tax dollars) which included free give aways like New Haven - “It All Happens Here” (A catchphrase I think that needs re-wording…b/c you know, a lot of these happenings they’re referring to aren’t things anyone would want here)-Rubber Hamburgers (pictured above), Yo-yo’s, cake, and other various chachkies and swanky NH garb…Sadly I couldn’t attend, you know work and all, but I asked the hobo on the green, the one whose only sustenance is blue colored Scope and he said it was a blast…guess i’ll have to wait till we conquer it all next year…sigh

But the real take home lesson of this seems to be…If you’re city’s named “All-American” it’s time to move…Fuck me.

Why has no one else thought of this?

During a minor (eh, somewhat major) psychotic episode this weekend I had a brilliant epiphany. Basically I have created the perfect designer drug cocktail for disconsolate intellectuals who can’t deal with emotional problems and instead resort to sociopathic and destructive behavior instead. It’s 2 parts xanax, 2 parts zoloft, 2 parts adderrall and 1 part zocor (because anything that lowers cholesterol generally gets approved by the FDA). I call it Imsofuckedupitrex. I think it’d sell well (especially with PMSing women). It should take away depression and anxiety while still allowing the focus to be productive (because if you’re not a whiny musician whose work improves with depression, and you’re a lowly scientist instead focus actually seems to decrease with depression/anxiety and this can be a problem). Seriously I don’t know if any of these drugs would have antagonistic side effects, but my gut tells me they’d do well together. I’m already starting to fill out the patent application. I can smell the green already!

The Man Behind the (e-) Mail

Ok, I’ve been having a full on conundrum all week. It goes like this - It’s sorta slow in lab, so I’m sitting at my desk trying to be productive and analyze data, read papers, etc., etc, constantly checking my e-mail in hopes of a sprouting of some small form of joy or distraction. And what do I usually get? An e-mail from one of the people at Yale who e-mails me quite possibly most frequently. His name is Chief Officer James A. Perrotti. His e-mails always start out by basically saying he doesn’t want to be e-mailing the entire Yale community right now, but due to some federal law or something he’s mandated to. He then proceeds to describe (in what usually is) the most vague, nebulous and obscure way ever a crime that has occurred usually within the last 24 hours to someone in the Yale community. Someone’s been mugged/pan-handled, beaten to a pulp with milk crates, you know, all the stuff you don’t see in the brochures…

Woman of Faith, Woman of Science

So I’ve been back from Israel for a little over a week now. I’ve been meaning to post about my experience but wanted to let everything sync in and compose my thoughts before I did. After this digression it’s going back to New Haven stuff…

The Benches of New Haven: A Rope of Sand

So I’ve officially moved out of downtown and to the pseudo-burb known as East Rock. In memory of my time spent amongst “the other half” of New Haven, I present - The Benches of New Haven - a small collection representative of my daily commute across The Green to school everyday. I think the photos speak for themselves.

What would Casey Cartwright do?

So tonight was the season finale of Greek - the last show on TV worth watching until the Fall…From here on out it’s patheticsville Summer reality blech…But I digress…I was in a sorority once for like five minutes in college - and it’s kinda great how dead on this show is about certain aspects of Greek life while simultaneously being completely unrealistic in an optimistically naive and compassionate sort of way. Anyway I wanted to have a little discussion on the show’s heroine - Casey Cartwright and how she embodies the attitudes and mindset and displays the (yikes i’m gonna say) courage and self-worth that women today should actually strive to have but have lost somewhere along the way.